The Silent Struggle: When Confidence Holds You Back
You know that moment when you have something to say, a point to make, a seat at the table—and yet, you hesitate? It’s not that you don’t have the expertise, the ideas, or the ability. But something holds you back.
You’re not alone.
I distinctly recall the moment I first recognized this behavior in myself. I was in the middle of a college field hockey game. A teammate of mine was all over the field, charging into my space, taking the ball. It completely threw me off. Instead of rising up, I backed down. After fifteen minutes of hard play, she yelled at me:
"Get the damn ball!"
Whoa.
How many times has this happened to you? Somebody wants to be the alpha. They want to be everything to everyone—the best, the know-it-all, the one in charge. But then they quickly run out of steam, because let’s be honest, it’s impossible to maintain that level of focus and energy. And when they hit their limit, they blame everyone else around them.
Have you ever had a colleague like this? A manager?
Chances are, you have. So you know it makes for an uneasy work environment.
But it’s important to recognize our own response to these situations. Because while some people bulldoze, others hesitate. They shrink back, unsure of when or how to assert themselves. And over time, this hesitation becomes a habit.
The 5 Biggest Confidence Killers for Women in Leadership
In my coaching work with high-achieving women, I see this hesitation over and over again. Women who are qualified, smart, and capable still hesitate to show up fully. The question is: Why?
The reasons are deeply rooted, often shaped by personal experiences, workplace culture, and societal expectations.
Perfectionism Paralysis: Waiting Until You’re ‘100% Ready’
Many women believe they must be 100% ready before stepping up, whether it’s voicing an opinion (I better make sure I’m right and I have all the facts), leading a project (but, I’ve never done this before, maybe I need a PMP certification?), or pursuing a promotion (I don’t check all of the boxes, only 99% of them). The fear of making a mistake or not being “perfect” keeps them quiet. Meanwhile, men are more likely to take action before they feel fully prepared.
Fear of Judgment: The Double Bind That Keeps Women Silent
Women are often conditioned to be likable and agreeable. From an early age, we’re taught to be polite and avoid making others uncomfortable. But showing up confidently—especially in male-dominated spaces—can feel risky. The self-doubt starts creeping in:
- “If I speak up, will they think I’m too aggressive?”
- “If I assert my ideas, will I be seen as difficult?”
- “If I push back, will I be labeled emotional?”
- “What if I don’t have the perfect answer?”
This internal noise creates a double bind: Be bold, and you risk being “too much.” Stay quiet, and you risk being overlooked. Over time, this cycle of overthinking keeps many women stuck in the background, questioning their value rather than owning it.
People-Pleasing & Overcommitment: The Energy Drain That Keeps You Small
Women are often the first to say yes to extra responsibilities, whether at work or at home. Research indicates that women spend up to 200 more hours annually on non-promotable tasks compared to their male colleagues. That’s equivalent to an extra month's work. Managers—both men and women—are 44% more likely to assign these tasks to female employees. When you constantly prioritize others' needs over your own ambitions and struggle with boundaries, it leaves little energy for stepping into your most confident self..
Imposter Syndrome: When Success Still Feels Like a Fluke
“Who am I to do this?” Even the most accomplished women experience self-doubt. They downplay their qualifications, question their expertise, and hesitate to take up space.
Cultural & Workplace Norms: The Unspoken Rules That Hold Women Back
Women who speak up are often met with subtle (or not-so-subtle) resistance. Assertiveness in men is seen as confidence. But in women, it’s often labeled as aggression. This double standard creates an internal conflict: Do I stay quiet and play it safe, or do I risk being misunderstood?
How to Stop Hesitating & Start Leading with Confidence
So what do you do if you’re experiencing some of this? How do you push past the hesitation and fully show up?
Reframe Confidence: Act First, Confidence Follows
Confidence isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about trusting yourself enough to act even when you don’t have all the answers. Courage comes first—confidence follows. Then you MUST TAKE ACTION! Do the thing, even if you’re scared.
Challenge the Inner Critic: Don’t Believe the Lies
That voice in your head telling you you’re not ready? Not smart enough? Not “the type” to lead? Throw the BS flag! It’s lying. Start recognizing when it shows up and challenge it. Ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, do not say it to yourself.
Embrace Imperfect Action: Done Is Better Than Perfect
The best way to build confidence is through action. Small, consistent steps create momentum. Try raising your hand in one meeting, saying yes to one opportunity, or challenging one limiting belief. You can do this, even if you’re doing it scared.
Surround Yourself with Expanders: Learn from Women Who Show Up Boldly
Find the women who inspire you, who are already showing up boldly, and learn from them. Success leaves clues. Make sure you follow them.
Redefine Success on Your Terms: Own Your Unique Leadership Style
Showing up doesn’t mean being the loudest in the room. It means being fully present in a way that feels true to you, whether that’s leading a conversation, sharing your perspective, or making decisions with confidence. Be YOU!
The world doesn’t need women who are waiting until they feel ready. It needs women who are willing to take up space, share their voices, and step into their power even when it feels uncomfortable.
So this is your invitation: Where are you hesitating? And what would happen if you showed up anyway?
Are you ready to step into your power and show up
as the confident, radiant leader you were meant to be?
Join us for an exclusive, transformational experience designed for ambitious, dynamic women like YOU. This unique collaboration between renowned executive coach Lori Pine and esteemed photographer Tricia McCormack is designed to elevate your confidence, presence, and personal brand—inside and out.
