Identifying the ‘Thing” That’s Robbing You of Joy

Imagine this: you’ve checked all the boxes.  You’ve reached some of your biggest goals: you just got the promotion with THE title, you now have THE pay, you’re finally in THE house. You’ve got the kids, the car, the Louis.  Life is pretty damn good.  You stay busy and booked with color coded calendars, you’re on top of it all.  Yet somewhere in the still, deep quiet you hear a knowing from within: you feel so empty. 

How could this be?  Is life playing some sort of cruel trick?  You’ve worked hard for years, decades to get to this point.  Invested the hours, the time, the sweat, blood, and tears.  You’ve proven yourself, again and again and again.  Success comes at such a price. It’s the constant juggle of managing everyone: your boss, your team, your kids, your husband, the nanny, the teachers, your parents.  Let’s not forget to manage your health, your weight, your sleep, your lack of sleep, your emotional state, your spiritual state. Heck, you manage all damn day.  

You’re tired.  So freaking tired.  And, and so very empty you could cry, but if you started you might never stop.

Me, too.  I was you.  And, so are many of the brilliant women I work with in my coaching practice. 

The Pursuit of Joy

Step 1: Self-Reflection

Here’s the truth: you aren’t really seeking joy.  You’re seeking freedom, a break, a little bit of rest.  Good Lord, get this girl an uninterrupted Saturday afternoon nap and her whole life might change!  Am I right?  The pursuit of excellence is your only way of life, it is all you know.  Your only identity is attached to your glowing achievements and how you’re able to get it all done. 

That pursuit of excellence – your high standards, however, is causing you some pains in other parts of your life.  As you remain laser focused on the climb, you’re faced with the DILEMMA. Something is standing in the way of your JOY – your ability to show up and be present, spontaneous, fun, free and light – and chances are you have an inkling what this might actually be.  Saying ‘I don’t know’ is incredibly disempowering, when in fact, what might actually be happening is one of a few things: 

• you’re afraid
• others’ opinions are ringing in your ears
• You’re telling yourself a story that may or may not be true

Some examples of an easy dilemma  might be you’re spending too much time on your phone, you’re having trouble transitioning from work to home and being present, you’re drinking one too many glasses of wine at night; you’re saying yes when you mean no.  

Some harder ones might be that your marriage is in trouble, your child has a behavioral issue that you just don’t have the energy to deal with, or you’re spending money just to keep everyone happy when what they really want is your attention (think about how disastrous that weekend trip was that you spent thousands on and nobody behaved or did as you wanted!)

Step 2: Self-Awareness

You know these dilemmas, they are nothing new.  Yet, admitting them out loud is where you struggle.  So you keep them a secret.  Your secret and at the end of the day, you find yourself googling, ‘how to be more present with my kids’ or ‘do I have a problem if I have a glass of wine every night?’ It’s as though your web browser can be the arbiter of your actions.  Not true.  

You are in charge of you.

It is time to admit your DESIRES.  

Do you want something different for your life?  To feel something fuller, richer, deeper?  Then you must admit that to yourself.  The longing you feel compounds the emptiness inside of you.  Life is not meant to be one of constant sacrifice.  It is time you make it to the top of your own to-do list. 

Step 3: Self-Actualization

Now, you DECIDE.  Slide back to the unknowing and pretend you do not have any desires, pretending you are happy in your endless pursuit of excellence and that all is well.  

Or… take action.  

Not the superhero, put on your cape sort of action.  But rather, the vulnerable admission that leaning into the uncomfortable is hard and you would rather go where you can excel, but the truth is… that is no longer working.

It’s time.  JOY is waiting on the other side of the courageous steps you take to find freedom and rest.  Restoring you will be the ripple effect that changes everyone in your orbit. 

I promise.  I am living proof.

READY TO BECOME A JOYFUL EXECUTIVE? Let’s see if my 3-hour Joy Power Boost Session can help you unlock a troubling situation (problematic boss, marriage or child; situation that is keeping you up at night, or worse…something that has you crying yourself to sleep).  In a 15-minute consult, we will see if we can unlock some relief for you in this power packed session and give you a 30-day plan to keep you on track!  BOOK HERE for your free consult call.

Lori Pine, The Joy CEO

Lori Pine is an award winning Corporate Vice-President, team leader, and goal-getter who has worked with global powerhouse brands like Anheuser-Busch, The Coca-Cola Company and Campbell’s Soup Company.  Now a Certified Executive Leadership Coach, Lori helps women executives  establish healthy organizational practices with the goal of creating thriving professional and personal lives. Lori learned first hand the pressures of being a woman on the rise and all that comes with making it to the corner office.  Her friends and clients call her the trusted clarifier because she can see a problem clearly and identify a pathway with compassion and action steps.  When she’s not helping fabulous women find more joy, Lori is traveling the world, reading books, or soaking in her family and friends.  She lives in the beautiful Hudson Valley of NY with her husband, her 2 sons, and her 2 Golden Retrievers, Lucy and Annie.